When I was younger, I firmly believed that there was no excuse for ever rehoming a pet. I thought that if you took on the responsibility for a living being, you made a lifelong commitment and there is nothing that would ever make it okay to give them up. Since then, I have admitted I was wrong about having those beliefs. I am now at the point where I am upset when I see posts on social media about how horrible people are for surrendering their dogs to rescues. You know those posts that I am talking about - the ones that shame people for making that difficult decision.
My point of view started to change when I was working at the Ontario SPCA several years ago. I started there as a volunteer and then eventually got hired as staff. When I started there, I couldn't believe how many animals came in as owner surrenders on a regular basis. I couldn't imagine what could ever happen to me that would justify rehoming one of my pets. However, the longer that I worked there, the more cases I saw where I felt so much compassion towards the people who eventually had come to that decision.
This is me with some puppies during my shelter days.
One woman surrendered her cat because she was starting to suffer from dementia. She already had bad days where she couldn't remember what care the cat needed. This cat was her whole world. Her husband had passed away, and her kids lived far away. Her cat was her companion, but she knew that she was declining. She wanted to make sure that the cat was with someone who could provide the proper care while she still had the awareness to make that call.
Another man surrendered his dog because he could not afford the dog's medication. He was on disability, so he was having a hard time getting by even without the cost of the dog's veterinary care. This man actually took the same medication as his dog. The man's medication was covered by benefits, but the dog's was not. In order to make sure that his dog was getting the medication he needed, the man was taking a lower dose of his medication so that he could give the dog the full dose out of his own prescription.
Don't get me wrong, there were people who had no good reason to surrender and just didn't feel like having a pet anymore. I think that's to be expected working in a shelter, but I have so many stories of people who had to make an incredibly difficult decision with the best interest of their pets in mind. That job made me realize that there were some good reasons for rehoming, but it wasn't until after I left the shelter that I realized just how often that was the right thing to do.
Working as a dog trainer, I have seen a lot of people come to classes with dogs who are just not the right dog for them. I also see a lot of people who got a dog that made sense for them, but then they had completely unexpected circumstances arise where they could not dedicate the right amount of time to their new family member. In cases like these, keeping the dogs in these homes is not doing the dog a favour. If every member of that family is getting frustrated by the dog all the time, and the dog is always struggling to understand what they are doing wrong, how is that a good living situation for the dog? If the family is driving to the city multiple times a week for their child's cancer treatments and the dog is left alone for long periods, how is that a good living situation for the dog?
Troy was surrendered to the SPCA by a young family who felt way in over
their heads with a bull terrier, and now he lives his best life with me.
I've had conversations with students who have been considering rehoming, and they always feel so guilty about it. None of them have ever taken the decision lightly, and none of them have ever been happy about it. Sometimes people have even asked me if I think they are horrible for considering that. Of course I don't. These are all people who I have seen work SO hard with their dogs. They have all tried SO hard to make things work out. It breaks my heart that they might see some post on Facebook that would shame them for struggling with this choice to do what is best for everyone involved.
Now I am in a place where I am struggling with a lot of that same guilt that I have seen so many other people deal with. There are so many other emotions tied to it that I didn't even see as an outsider. I have had to make the decision to have Zero move out of my home. He has been staying with my ex-boyfriend for about a month and a half. I had hoped that this would be temporary and that Zero would be back here soon, but I've now realized I need a long-term solution. Zero will soon be moving in with my mom.
I feel absolutely devastated by this. I miss him constantly. He likes to curl up under the covers at night and snuggle up really close to me. He has the silliest little prance. He is so dramatic and full of attitude. I love him with all of my heart, and I feel his absence every day. I hope he somehow knows that. I hope he knows that not being with me right now doesn't mean that I love him any less. I wish he spoke English so that I could tell him how important he is to me.
I often feel like I have failed Zero by not being able to make my home a place where he can live happily. As I type that out, I can hear my therapist saying, "What would you say to a friend who was going through this?" I already know exactly what I would say. I've said it to other people on multiple occasions before. I know I am making the right choice for Zero, but knowing that doesn't make me feel any less sad.
I feel like Spice probably misses Zero just as much as I do. They became
inseparable the very same day that he came home to us.
I do feel incredibly fortunate that I have such a wonderful mother who is willing to welcome Zero into her home. I will get regular updates about how he is doing, and I can visit him anytime I want. My mom is also willing to take him to training, and a co-worker suggested a trainer near my mom who I think will be a great fit. I know that Zero will get so much love, and he will be in such great hands. Still, I wish that I could make that work here.
I don't really have a clean ending for this post where I can say that it all worked out in the end. I know that this isn't the most uplifting thing to read. I've been bawling my eyes out writing it. That being said, I still wanted to share it. I have seen those posts on social media shaming people for rehoming their pets since I have had to make this choice, and it really REALLY sucks. It feels like being kicked when you are down, so I wanted to put the opposite out there. If you have ever had to make this incredibly tough decision, I support you. If you are currently struggling with thinking about it and feel like you are horrible for having those thoughts, you are not. You are doing the very best that you can, and you are not alone in what you are going through.
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