I'm often asked, "How do I get my dog to stop doing this?" It's easy to come up with a list of things that I don't want my dogs to do. I don't want them to bark. I don't want them to pull on leash. I don't want them to get into the garbage. It's also easy to wait for my dogs to do something I don't like and then get upset about it. However, if I always focus on what I don't like and don't want, they never have the opportunity to learn what I do want them to do.
Have you ever asked a friend to go out for dinner and they say that you can choose the restaurant, but then they shoot down every suggestion you make?
"Do you want to get Chinese?"
"No, I don't feel like Chinese."
"What about pizza?"
"No."
"We could get Mexican?"
"No, I had Mexican last week."
"How about Indian?"
"No, I'm not a fan."
Eventually, you feel like you've run out of options and that nothing will make them happy so you just give up and stop suggesting things. This happens to our dogs when we focus on all of the negative too. They eventually stop trying to figure out what you want and just give up.
Sometimes this even works to get what we want. If my dog keeps trying to pull on leash, and I give them a correction by jerking on the leash every time, they might stop pulling on leash. However, in this case, my dog has only stopped pulling because they are trying to avoid pain. I would rather my dog walk nicely with me because they want to, not because they are afraid. Sometimes, however, this training has no effect whatsoever. Maybe my dog doesn't care enough about the leash corrections to stop pulling and they just keep charging forward while I continuously jerk on the leash. Other times, this training can actually teach my dog the wrong thing by accident. Maybe they are pulling towards other dogs and then they start to associate the leash jerks with other dogs and not the pulling. Now I have a dog who associates other dogs with pain and discomfort, so they start to fear the other dogs. This could result in an under-confident dog or a reactive dog. Instead of suppressing the behaviour I don't want from my dog, I could take the time to show them what I do want and make that behaviour more reinforcing for them. This works to get my dog walking where I want them, and it doesn't come with the potential risks.
Focus on the Good
You can start small with this kind of training. You don't have to necessarily teach your dog anything new right away. Chances are that your dog already does a thing or two that you like. Maybe every so often on our walks, your dog turns around and looks at you to make sure you are still there. You can reward this with praise, or even a treat. You'll notice that they start to offer you this attention more and more often. Make a list of all of the things that your dog already does that you like and start to acknowledge that you like these things when your dog does them.
This also works with humans. If you start to focus on the things the people in your life do that you like and acknowledge these things, they will start to do those things more often. If my boss only ever points out things that they wish were done faster or differently, it doesn't make me want to work harder. Even if my boss doesn't point out anything negative, but also just doesn't acknowledge when I go the extra mile, I start to feel unappreciated. I might even start to coast on doing the bare minimum. When I'm thanked for hard work, I feel appreciated so I keep working hard.
What Could They Do Instead?
Once you get comfortable with looking for the good, take things further and try to find alternatives to problem behaviours. Maybe your dog likes to beg at the table. Before you might have thought, "How do I get them to stop begging for food?" Now you're going to think, "What would I prefer they do instead?" One possible solution is to teach them to relax on a mat. If your dog tries to pull towards other dogs on walks, you could teach them to look at you when they see one coming. For everything your dog does that you would prefer they didn't, there is an incompatible behaviour you could teach them to do instead. Try to think of a few yourself!
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