Goodbye 2021

As 2021 is coming to an end, I've been thinking a lot about how different my life is from how it was a year ago. I have experienced a lot of changes and, while some of them were difficult, they were ultimately for the better. My long-term relationship ended, but now I somehow feel less alone. I lost my business when all of my dog walking clients started working from home, but my phone buzzing no longer stresses me out. My living situation was up in the air for a few months while crashing with friends, but I became much closer to the wonderful people who opened their home to me and my three dogs. (Seriously, how incredible is it that I have friends who let my THREE dogs and I live with them while we got back on our feet?) I had to rely on people for help, but it was heartwarming to see what an incredible support system I have. I am no longer a homeowner, but I've developed a truly meaningful friendship with my new roommate. One of the other big changes I've experienced this year is how my relationship with Spice has grown.

Spice has always been my most anxious dog and, to be honest, our relationship has been strained at times. Before Luke and I broke up, I used to say that I felt like she was more his dog than mine. She always chose him to cuddle with over me. He was able to get her much more excited and silly when playing than I ever could. When I was stressed, she would get stressed, and then I would get stressed that she was so stressed. Luke was much better at managing her anxiety than I was. Spice was technically my dog, but she preferred Luke. Moving out was hard on all of my dogs, but at least Troy and Zero still had their person. Spice lost hers. I had to become hers.

Reactivity and Separation Anxiety

Spice was reactive when I adopted her. We had done a lot of training to work on this, and she was doing really well. We could go on walks through our neighbourhood without having to worry about seeing other dogs, unless it was a German Shepherd. She still hadn't quite gotten over her dislike of German Shepherds, and I'm not really sure what her beef with them was. Anyway, when Luke and I broke up, her reactivity levels soared. She also started to display separation anxiety. She would bark and cry if I left her to go to work.

At this point, we were crashing with my friends. I was also working nights at Tim Horton's to make up for some of the income loss from my business having closed and the training facility I worked at being in and out of lockdown. I stressed about her keeping my friends awake at night, I stressed about her being disruptive while they worked from home, and I stressed about how stressed out she was.

Her reactivity also presented problems. I couldn't walk all three of my dogs together since she required so much training and management. Time was also limited. Between working nights, teaching classes, and getting my house ready to sell, finding opportunities to sleep was a challenge. Finding time to walk my dogs separately seemed impossible. Thankfully, at this point, some of my support system noticed I was struggling and stepped in. Troy was actually recovering from surgery when we first moved out. My dad and stepmom had him come stay with them for a couple of weeks so he could recover in a more quiet environment. Another friend looked after Zero for a bit since he has the highest energy level, which was proving hard to keep up with. I had Spice stay with me because I didn't want her stress levels to increase by having to go somewhere new.

I ended up giving Spice an adrenaline vacation. I let her stay home, no walks, no outings, nothing to trigger her reactivity. We did trick training and fitness exercises inside the house to provide her with exercise and mental stimulation. I wanted her to have enough time for all of the built up adrenaline and cortisol to leave her system before re-entering the world. At this point, the details are a bit foggy. I don't remember the exact timeline of when the boys joined us again and when she started to relax a bit, but things did get a little bit better. They weren't perfect, but it was better.

New Home

Staying with friends was never a permanent solution. We needed a long-term place to live, and we actually found it with one of my former dog walking clients. Our move-in date ended up being on Spice's birthday. I joked a lot that I was getting her a new home as a gift. When we moved in, we got to bring some of our furniture over. I think all of the dogs felt better being surrounded by our stuff. Troy loved to curl up on this one specific spot on our couch. Zero liked to snuggle up in the throw pillows. Spice seemed happy to be around so many familiar things. I know I felt more at home being around my furniture, my wall art, my personal little knick-knacks. It's all just stuff, but it was our stuff.

Our cats moved in for a little bit too while Luke looked for a place that would let him keep them. Spice LOVES the cats. At our old house, she spent most of her spare time snuggling with them and sticking her head in front of them so they would lick her face. Luke came to visit the dogs and the cats sometimes too. It was nice to all hang out. Spice loved having her dad and her cats around. She started to relax even more.

I knew this wasn't forever that the cats were with us, but I still haven't ever cried harder than I did the day Luke picked them up to take them to his new apartment. I could have sworn that Spice knew that day was the last day she would ever see her dad or the cats. Her stress levels soared afterwards. Of course, the trainer in me knows that she didn't actually know. You should never project human thoughts onto your dog. It's not fair to them. I was a mess, and that was where the resurgence of her anxiety came from. Her reactivity came back full force, and her separation anxiety was the worst it had ever been. I started bringing her to work with me because she couldn't be left alone.

One night while I was teaching a class, she was crated outside of the ring. She was so stressed about being away from me that she chewed a hole in her crate to try and get closer to me. We weren't even divided by walls. I was so close that she could hear my voice and I could look over the fence that divided the ring and see her. At one point during our breakup, Luke had said that he had thought about asking me if he could keep her but didn't because he knew I would say no. I'm not proud of this, but part of me wanted to give her to him. I felt like I was failing her. I felt like she would be happier with him instead of with me.

New Friends

I wish I could say that I fixed my relationship with Spice all on my own. I owe a big thank you to a new friend that I made in the summer. He has a Labrador and they live in our neighbourhood, so we started to hang out with our dogs at the park a lot. He was smitten with Spice. She was his favourite of my dogs, and he was always pointing out the best things about her. Instead of focusing on the frustrations I had when her reactivity was at it's worst, I was focusing on how happy she was when I did fun things with her. She has the best smile. The boys can't compete with how adorable she is when she lights up. To be honest, I think our new friends helped pull me out of my own funk too. We were spending so much time outdoors and being active, and my mood started to improve more and more.

I was feeling better, and I made it my mission to do everything I could to bring Spice's smile out. Spice loves working and training, so we started to do more trick training and got back into scent detection. She has gotten four new titles in scent detection since then. I have a bulletin board for each dog to showcase our accomplishments, and Spice's is overflowing with ribbons now. I'd been meaning to work my way through the Certified Trick Dog Instructor program through Do More With Your Dog! for what felt like forever, and I finally had room in my budget for it. I made Spice my training partner to work through it. She has been my little rockstar for the last couple of months.

Our Relationship Now

I am constantly telling my students to do some activities just for fun with their dogs to help build their relationship, but it can be hard to remember to take your own advice sometimes. It does work, though. Spice will probably always be the most challenging of my dogs, but she is an incredible training partner. I see so many more positives in her now, and she seems much happier too. The reactivity is still a work in progress, but we will get back to where we were before.

Most importantly, I think Spice sees me as her person now. Maybe she always did, and it was more my own issue that I felt like I wasn't enough. I do notice her reaching out to me more and more. She seeks me out for snuggles, she comes to me when she's scared, and she runs up to me with her big smile when she's happy about something. Her separation anxiety from me is non-existent now. I could speculate that she feels more secure that I'm not going to leave her now but, again, that would be projecting human thoughts onto her. I don't need to do that anyway. I know things are good.

Dogs are supposed to be our best friends, our loyal companions. In reality, things aren't always picture perfect. Just like us humans are flawed, our dogs have flaws too. Just like relationships with our parents, with our friends, with our siblings, and with our spouses go through ups and downs, so can relationships with our dogs. The more we love someone, the harder it is when we are on different pages. I would love to be able to say that I am the perfect dog owner, but I'm not. Nobody is. We just do the best that we can.